Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
