when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Two words: blizzard sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
