we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
