someone get that fucking seahorse.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He has the fingertips of a God
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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