You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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