White coat. Heels.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
