I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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