I hate your face
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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