people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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