never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
