I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
