The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
