I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
