my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
