well I can't set my house on fire every night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
