this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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