No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
