he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
