At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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