Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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