Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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