it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
