My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
