i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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