I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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