The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
