Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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