they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
