I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
