i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
