Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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