if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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