shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
