Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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