Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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