Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
