Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
