I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
