He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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