normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
