Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
