This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
