She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
