Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
