She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
