I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
