mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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