you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
