Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
