allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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