i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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