You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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