I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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